A Day No Pigs Would Die

Procrastination is the key to prolonging life.

– Unknown

I feel like a bit of an ass. It’s 2:30 in the afternoon and the pigs are still with us. The man who was supposed to help us with the slaughter never showed. I learned later that he was only ever coming if a particular butcher shop, Rosie’s, was open. I guess it wasn’t. I spent the better part of the morning glancing nervously out the window and imagining the sounds of trucks pulling into the driveway. At noon it was pretty clear he wasn’t coming, so we went out to play with the pigs and take some pictures.

While I’m relieved, I have that awful, bitter taste you get when you prolong the wait before something unpleasant and inevitable. I’m never going to feel “ready” to kill them. The longer we wait the more attached I get. This morning we looked out the window to see Walter wrestle a branch into the pig hut. All I could think was “They have shit to do! They have an agenda just like everybody else. What if Walter and Flo have projects they’re working on and we kill them and they never get to finish?” I realize it sounds crazy but what if he has a plan? He could have hopes, dreams, a Honey-Do list! And we just end it all.

 Of course one could argue that they might not even exist if we hadn’t procured them for food. Ten to one I would still be buying pork products from the super market without a second thought. For the first time in my life I really know where my food comes from. I suppose I could’ve kept my distance; not gotten to know them so intimately, but I sorta felt like that was cheating. I wanted to know exactly what it was I was going to eat. Isn’t that the only way to know if it’s a good idea to eat it?

It’s all terribly uncomfortable.

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